When someone's pet dies: what to say, and what to write in a card

How to put a message together

1. Use the pet's name.
2. Say you are sorry, plainly.
3. Mention one thing you know about the animal: how he greeted you, where she always lay.
4. Offer something concrete, or just say you are thinking of them. They do not have to reply.

Short messages for a text

Put the pet's name where it says [name].

• I'm so sorry about [name]. Thinking of you.
• I just heard about [name]. That will be such an empty spot. No need to reply.
• [Name] was always at the door when I came round. I'll miss that, and you so much more.
• If you ever want to talk about [name], I'd love to listen.
• No words. Just a big hug from me.

Messages for a card

• Dear [owner], we are so sorry about [name]. [He/She] was part of your home. We are thinking of you all.
• In loving memory of [name], who always waited at the door.
• A small animal, a big place. Thinking of you while you miss [name].
• Thank you for sharing [name] with us. We will miss [him/her] too.

For a colleague or someone you know less well

• I heard that [name] died. I'm sorry. Take care of yourself this week.
• I'm sorry for the loss of [name]. Take the time you need.

When the pet was put to sleep

Someone who had a pet put to sleep may doubt the choice afterwards. Leave out anything that sounds like a judgement. What can help: “You looked after [name] right to the end.”

What to leave out

Blue Cross, the UK animal charity that runs a pet loss support line, advises against these:

• “It was only a dog.” To the owner it was family.
• “You can always get another one.” Another animal does not replace this one.
• “He had a good innings.” Kindly meant, but it can close the conversation.
• “I know how you feel.” Keep the conversation on their pet, not yours.

Blue Cross: what to say to someone who has lost a pet

What you can do after

• Send another message a few weeks later, once the first messages have stopped.
• Keep using the pet's name, later too.
• Share a photo you have of the animal. They may not have it.
• Give something that holds their own memories, if that suits them.

A gift that holds their memories

With a bookofmypet.com gift you buy a book they make themselves, when they are ready: valid for a year, hardcover and shipping included, €36.99. They answer seven questions about their pet and get a 28-page book.

Give a book about their petPoems for a cardRead Luna's book, an example

If the grief stays heavy

Grief for a pet has no fixed length. In the UK, Blue Cross Pet Loss Support is free and confidential: 0800 096 6606, 8.30am to 8.30pm every day, and by email and webchat. Elsewhere, a vet or a GP can help find support.