When someone's pet dies: what to say, and what to write in a card
There are no right words, and there do not need to be. Someone who has just lost a pet mostly wants to know that somebody sees it: that the animal had a name and a place in the house, and that the loss is real.
How to put a message together
- Use the pet's name.
- Say you are sorry, plainly.
- Mention one thing you know about the animal: how he greeted you, where she always lay.
- Offer something concrete, or just say you are thinking of them. They do not have to reply.
Short messages for a text
Put the pet's name where it says [name].
- I'm so sorry about [name]. Thinking of you.
- I just heard about [name]. That will be such an empty spot. No need to reply.
- [Name] was always at the door when I came round. I'll miss that, and you so much more.
- If you ever want to talk about [name], I'd love to listen.
- No words. Just a big hug from me.
Messages for a card
- Dear [owner], we are so sorry about [name]. [He/She] was part of your home. We are thinking of you all.
- In loving memory of [name], who always waited at the door.
- A small animal, a big place. Thinking of you while you miss [name].
- Thank you for sharing [name] with us. We will miss [him/her] too.
For a colleague or someone you know less well
- I heard that [name] died. I'm sorry. Take care of yourself this week.
- I'm sorry for the loss of [name]. Take the time you need.
When the pet was put to sleep
Someone who had a pet put to sleep may doubt the choice afterwards. Leave out anything that sounds like a judgement. What can help: “You looked after [name] right to the end.”
What to leave out
Phrases to avoid:
- “It was only a dog.” To the owner it was family.
- “You can always get another one.” Another animal does not replace this one.
- “He had a good innings.” Kindly meant, but it can close the conversation.
- “I know how you feel.” Keep the conversation on their pet, not yours.
What you can do after
- Send another message a few weeks later, once the first messages have stopped.
- Keep using the pet's name, later too.
- Share a photo you have of the animal. They may not have it.
- Give something that holds their own memories, if that suits them.
He knew exactly that it meant something. Bommel23Finally on the sofa
He got to eight. In the last year he was allowed on the sofa, which he never had been before. He knew exactly that it meant something, and he took the spot the way he took the dandelion tub and the cables behind the desk: without hesitation, as if it had always been his.
Bommel24
If the grief stays heavy
Grief for a pet has no fixed length. A doctor can help find support, and the grief guide lists the pet-loss lines we checked.
Questions
Should I send a card or a text?
Either is fine. A text is quick and asks for no reply. A card stays, and can be read again later.
When should I send a pet sympathy card?
In the first week, or as soon as you hear. After a month it is not too late.
Should I mention the pet's name?
Yes. Using the name shows the animal mattered to you too.
What do you give someone whose dog just died?
Something with their own memories: a photo you have of the dog, a card with a poem, or a book they make about their dog. Flowers or a candle work too.
Do these messages work for a cat, a rabbit or a horse?
Yes. Change the name and the one detail about the animal.
Something to give with your message
A book about their pet, given in memory. They make it themselves when they are ready, within 3 years, and you can add a message.
Give the giftGift €34.99. The eBook and the hardcover, shipping included. Or the eBook alone for €6.99. The recipient makes the book themselves. Valid 3 years.