Coping with the loss of a pet
When a dog, cat or rabbit dies, the grief can be as heavy as for a person. This page covers what is normal, the goodbye, children, other pets, and where to find help.
What is normal
- Sadness, guilt, disbelief and anger. In Dutch research reported by the LICG, 95% of owners felt sad in the first week after euthanasia, 21% guilty, 17% disbelieving and 16% angry.
- Sleeping or eating differently for a while.
- Hearing the pet at the door or expecting them in their spot.
- Relief next to the sadness, after caring for an old or ill animal. VIER PFOTEN calls that normal too.
How long it lasts
There is no set time. The RSPCA says there is no timeline for grief. Dutch figures from the LICG put the average at eight and a half months before owners reach acceptance, with wide differences.
It also comes in waves. Blue Cross names a pet's birthday and the day they arrived as dates that can bring it back.
When grief does not ease
In a 2026 UK study of 975 adults, 7.5% of people who lost a pet developed prolonged grief disorder, close to the rate after losing a close friend (7.8%). If months later grief still takes over daily life, talk to your doctor. Prolonged grief disorder is a recognised diagnosis.
The goodbye
- Your vet helps you decide when it is time, and explains how it goes.
- Being there is your choice.
- Take someone with you, and decide about burial or cremation beforehand.
Burial or cremation
- Whether you may bury a pet on your own land depends on your country, and often on your municipality. Ask your local authority first.
- Where it is allowed, the RSPCA advises at least 1.2 metres deep, away from water, in something biodegradable.
- Do not bury at home after a contagious disease or recent chemotherapy (PDSA).
- Cremation goes through your vet or a pet crematorium: communal, with no ashes returned, or individual, with the ashes returned.
- Horses and other large animals are treated separately almost everywhere. Ask your local authority.
Telling children
- Say “died”. Blue Cross warns that “put to sleep” can confuse and frighten young children.
- Be honest. Do not say the pet ran away.
- Children under five struggle to grasp that death is permanent; from about nine, most understand.
- Let them take part: a drawing, a letter, a painted stone.
- Tell the teacher.
- Let them see that you are sad too.
Other pets in the house
- They may search, cling, sleep more or eat less.
- Keep their routine, and do not take away beds and blankets all at once.
- Letting them see or smell the body can help. Do not force it.
- A cat that has not eaten for more than three days needs a vet (LICG).
- Changes in behaviour can also have a medical cause (Dogs Trust).
Remembering
- Scatter the ashes on a favourite walk.
- Write a letter with what you did not get to say.
- Keep a memory box, or a scrapbook with photos.
- Plant a tree or a shrub.
- Volunteer at a rescue in their name.
A new pet
That is a personal choice, and there is no right moment. Blue Cross advises mourning first; if you are unsure, volunteering at a shelter or looking after a friend's pet can show whether you are ready. A new animal does not replace the one who died, and choosing one is not disloyal.
Where to find support
- Family and friends, who knew your pet or will listen.
- Your doctor, if grief stays heavy.
- United Kingdom: Blue Cross Pet Loss Support, free from a UK phone on 0800 096 6606, 8.30am to 8.30pm every day, and by email and webchat.
- United Kingdom: Cats Protection Paws to Listen, free from a UK phone on 0800 024 94 94, Monday to Friday 9am to 5pm, not on bank holidays.
- United States: Tufts Pet Loss Support Helpline, 508-839-7966, 6pm to 9pm Monday to Thursday Eastern time, with a voicemail returned at the next shift. Not a freephone number.
- United States: Cornell Pet Loss Support Hotline, 607-218-7457. The hours change through the year, so the line itself tells you them. Not a freephone number.
- United States: the Chicago Veterinary Medical Association's helpline, free on 630-325-1600, where you leave a message and are called back.
- In other countries, a veterinary school or a national animal charity may run a pet-loss line. We have not checked every country.
Blue Cross: pet loss supportCats Protection: Paws to ListenTufts: pet loss support helplineCornell: pet loss supportChicago VMA: pet loss support
Someone else lost a pet?
Questions
Is it normal to grieve this much for a pet?
Yes. Cats Protection says losing a cat can be as hard as losing a family member.
How long does grief last after losing a dog?
There is no fixed time. Dutch figures from the LICG give an average of eight and a half months to acceptance, with wide differences between people.
Should I be there when my pet is put to sleep?
It is your choice. Some people find it helps, others find it too hard.
How do I tell my child our pet has died?
Honestly, with the word “died”, and without distressing details. Blue Cross advises against “put to sleep” for young children and suggests letting them take part in saying goodbye.
When should I get another pet?
When you are ready, not to replace the one who died. If you are unsure, spending time with animals first, as a volunteer or for a friend, can help you tell.